Dead before I'm 40

It's been some time since I last posted. I'm struggling.

I have given up on the C25K program. I'm just too overweight to run. My fat bounces around and it hurts so bad. Starting Monday I'm going to start with just a walk every day and gradually increase my speed. Maybe speed walking one day will be my friend. Cookie likes to go for walks but he's getting old and won't be here forever so I really need to learn to do it on my own.

My weight is slowly creeping back up. I'm depressed about it. My blood sugars remain out of control. I'm even more depressed about them. I am slowly killing myself and I know what I need to do to change it.

I'm going to venture into the land of low carb high fat diets. I have read so many beautiful success stories and have an online friend who is having great success with it. I can't not try it. The problem is, how do I stick with it when everyone around me is eating all of this good looking bread, chips, pasta, sweets etc. I just feel so isolated and alone in this journey I'm on. I know my friends and family support me but here's how it goes... Keep up the good work Tif, you look great Tif, WOW you've lost weight Tif. Then... chomp on chips, lets have lasagne and garlic bread for Easter, lets have pizza for supper, lets have Jimmy Johns for lunch. *sigh* I guess they just don't get it. No I don't look great, No I haven't lost more weight, No I am not doing good work. I AM DYING! Literally and you can't see it but you need to understand what I am saying!

Our break room at work sucks. We have a toaster oven and microwave. I struggle with lunches because I really can't eat salad every day. I just can't. I've tried and tried and it doesn't work. My kitchen at home is bad too. I hate cooking there. I know I have to but it sucks.

I'm on 5 medicines aday and only a few weeks away from insulin. I do NOT want to go on insulin unless I can come off of these other meds and I know my Dr won't let me. I have diabetes which in turn has caused high blood pressure and high cholesterol so I take meds for all of that! It's so annoying. Oh hey, I can't stay out late because I have to get home to take my meds. Ya that's awesome. NO, no it's not.

All I'm asking for is some prayers that I can heal my body and live a long life. It's not easy and I fail badly sometimes. If I don't turn this around now I'll be dead before I'm 40. Think about that.

If you have any recipe ideas you come across please email them to me at tbh7982@gmail.com or send them to me on facebook! I need all the help I can get people!